Well, it's happened again. It seems female sharks really can reproduce in a manner generally reserved for sacred bulls, Egyptian gods, and Jewish messiahs. In other words, the female shark, under certain circumstances, can give birth without the help of a male.
The first confirmed instance occurred last May when a female hammerhead in Omaha, Nebraska, gave birth despite having been isolated from male sharks for over three years. The baby shark's DNA showed the mother to be the only contributor, thereby laying to rest any lingering doubts that she had somehow put aside a vial of sperm to be used only when she could be sure motherhood wouldn't interfere with her career plans. Recently another female shark, named Tidbit, died and an autopsy revealed that she was pregnant even though she'd not been near a male for about eight years.
Naturally this raises a host of questions, not the least of which is: "What the hell is a hammerhead shark doing in Nebraska?"
Another question, however, is whether this will spark a new debate on feminist-lesbian rights. If female sharks can reproduce without males, why shouldn't female humans be accorded the same privilege? Whether such rights can be accorded is a matter for the future to decide, but we can well imagine that they would be unopposed by heterosexual males who, in all probability, would be happy to see the female side of the population take over all aspects of the reproductive process and just leave the men alone to pop down to the pub with the guys and watch the Stanley Cup on the big-screen TV.
Such virgin births are not completely unheard of in certain species and are called "parthenogenesis," from the Greek words "parthen" meaning "old Greek temple now in ruins" and "genesis" meaning "progressive rock group from the '70s still kicking around pretending to be relevant." Exactly how this relates to "virgin birth" is a mystery, but, well…you know scientists. There is concern that too many virgin births could weaken the gene pool since only the mother's DNA is passed along, making it twice as likely that a baby shark would suffer from genetic disorders such as retardation, hypertension, and cleft palate. The result could be entire populations of stupid, irritable sharks unable to enunciate clearly—admittedly, a difference only a marine biologist might spot.
We have no details about the actual birth itself, but I can see the scene clearly. It would, of course, have been heralded by a host of angel fish with a starfish hovering nearby while seahorses stood around watching in wonder as he was presented with the gift of goldfish.
The little drummer boy? Well, an octopus, of course.
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